$1,000 Talent Competition

May We Wonder...

It's like the world is just an ocean of people.
An infinite pool of want and necessity, of need
and survival. It's ugly and cold, it serves everyone
and no one, and everyone becomes special and faceless.
It feeds, it purges, and its remorse is suffocated
by its greed. Reality is dangerous, yet the fearful
remain safe, for the moment. No one is safe for long,
and time waits eagerly to peel back the skin.
So bring your rage, squeeze your heart, and make the
stars listen, because no one else cares. Make the
world your microphone, and amplify.
Selfish is the animal that tears the flesh of the world.
If not to be ourselves, may this Earth to us be precious.
And if only to be students, may we one day learn to teach.
So let us all dance inside the magic and the tradegy, with
which the darkness brings light.
And let us embrace the pain and sacrifice, so that we may
love and live through the night.
Sail upon the ocean and let the wind be your compass.
But dare to scar the water. Believe in the truth and
wonder, and I'll see you at the bottom. Thank you.

SOME

Come get some that is alive
Come track some down that shall die
Eat your heart out from the truth
Make sense out of a lie
Be brave to nothing an scared of something
Have courage to fly
And despite your strength no nothing is guaranteed
Hold yourself and don't run away
There is a end but it isnt straight
Riding the curve you'll end up in the same place
No one knows everything and everything isn't always need to be said
Trust is major and life is hard
People are fake but a true person is out there too
Difficult things help keep things on the edge
Yet easy makes life boring and dead
A challenge only works if your truly in it to win
And a mistake is actuality not a lost but a learning experience so make sure you take it in
Cheating is so dumb because you feel like nothing inside
And sometimes You short change yourself and being great in life
Negativity doesn't do the heart just but positivity sends a energy rush
Breaking rules sometime may be fun but at the end of the day you know your wrong
Who's to determine what's right
And why do people like sitting in the dark instead of the light
Isn't a secret meant to be kept away well why do you talk to the biggest mouth knowing the secret will escape.
Sometimes the beginning has no end and somethings should have never begun to begin
Hatred is so strong but lies deeper than a ocean or sea and if it gets inside it's like a disease
Love is lovely except when it makes the heart hurt so choice who you love and the way it's perceived
Ask before making assumption because everything isn't clear as day and picture perfect is a story tale that never takes place
Being sad is a feeling that can't be fault but happiness isn't to far of a thought
Pleasure has nothing to do with pain because duh it hurts
And reality sometimes life bites
But through it all whatever it is some of what makes things maybe remember you are human and you don't know everything

R.I.P TAKEN AWAY

One life one soul one family affected by one gone
Pow
He’s dead
Shot him in the head took his life away
For a couple of dollars
Son of two
Brother of five
He’s dead someone took his life
This wasn’t the story that needed to be told
Age of 18
Mark, Dan, John, Zack, Lloyd, Matthew
Rest in Peace

One life one soul one family affected by one gone
Pow
She’s dead
Shot her four times and took her life
She broke up with him
Daughter of two
Sister to nine
She’s dead never to return
This wasn’t the story she wanted to be told
Age 25
Tiffany, Brittney, Ashley, Diana, Faith
They rest in peace till this day

People are constantly being killed in different ways
So many homicides are happening these days
I feel that this world needs to pray
Cause I can’t take it
Cause I can’t take another brother dying another mother crying
Sisters brothers grieving
There’s no justification for taking a soul
You're either killing
A mother
A father
A sister
A brother
A cousin
A Auntie
A uncle
And possibly a friend
For something that is returned as revenge
I pray for you whoever you are
For the hate that is in your soul, the evil you withhold
That you would murder to me feels untold
I can’t relate and hope to God I never will
But the use of violence ends up with someone killed
(to everyone that lost someone in a tragic way don’t give up just pray)
(R.I.P) Taken Away

opinion piece for Compass article

Racism, I believe, is the bastard child of ethnocentrism, which was fathered by ignorance. And sexism is a very close relative.

Of all of the characteristics we human beings have developed since we came into being, ethnocentrism had to be the one of the first. For those who may not know, it is defined as ‘conviction of own cultural superiority: a belief in or assumption of the superiority of your own social or cultural group (disapproving)’. This is evident even in many of the names we have given to ourselves, for instance in my particular culture group, the word Yup’ik literally means ‘real person’ in the sense that we are true human beings in the way we lived and held a respect for all living things. But I also have to mention that in times of inter-tribal wars, one did have to believe in one’s own cultural superiority, to give oneself the psychological edge in battle. So, it was necessary for the sake of survival.

In today’s world, there is nothing wrong with being a little ethnocentric as far as having pride in one’s own culture and history. But there is simply no place for racism or sexism in a civilized society. Besides the bigots that already exist, there are so many impressionable young people, already angry about something in their lives, who can take comments like the ones made by the Woody and Wilcox of 100.5 FOX radio, as encouragement to be hateful. If nothing else, these two young men need to imagine the issue from the perspective of those who have been victimized and their children and relatives. Their recorded and printed apologies just ring hollow to us. Gary Donovan, the market manager, himself does not seem to grasp the importance of a face to face apology. Here is a man who has lived here in Alaska since 1975 and, believe it or not, does not know a single Alaska Native person.

I pause for a moment for you reread that.

That fact in itself speaks volumes of the atmosphere that exists at that radio station and why these two boys even began to feel comfortable to say such things. I only echo the sentiments of many people who say that Woody and Wilcox do not deserve to keep their jobs. My personal feeling is that Gary Donovan does deserve to keep his job either unless he comes up with an incredibly amazing excuse for his utter lack of relation with Alaska Native people. They attended a bogus two week ‘sensitivity’ class only because they had to. They shouldn’t even have had to attend classes like this to begin with. Mary Nelson, a state legislator, from Bethel called me, I believe, to try and get me cancel the economic boycott. She accepted their apology and the bogus explanation as to how it happened. A mistake in words in an attempt at self deprecating humor? Come on! Moreover, Mary Nelson does not represent us all. We wanted to hear it from them in person so we could forgive them if we felt they were truly sincere, and move on. Also, I told her that I was not in control. I am only a representative of a group of people who feel justice has not been served. In light of the fact that these two DJ’s have been reinstated, we feel have no choice but to go forth with the boycott and a letter writing campaign to the sponsors of the radio station.

I must also include something else. I’m sure many people might get the impression that I am only looking out for the welfare of Alaska Native people. I don’t play favorites. My mother, Pan’ruq Sophie Abraham, was a victim of domestic violence. My father finally killed her in 1975. Yuguaiyuk Mickey Abraham, my father died a few years ago with our forgiveness. That part came very hard for me until I realized he was as much a victim of circumstance as many Native people when times were changing too fast I wish still for both of them to here with us to enjoy the company of their beautiful grandchildren and great grand children and the rest of their relatives and friends.

The boycott has already begun and cannot be stopped until Woody and Wilcox are fired. Gary Donovan should consider retiring on his own.

The Rare Blue Rose

To the Rare Blue Rose that Gave Life to Four Unique Flowers,

Amongst a sea of red blossoms,

The blue rose stands,

Elegant and beautiful,

Yet incomplete,

Thirsty,

Void of the unconditional love provided by one’s own blood.

Unexpectedly,

The sound of shifting soil.

A sprout emerges

Followed by three others

Similar,

Yet individually unique.

Showers of love would pour from the heavens.

Quenched,

The flowers blossomed.

Despite the blazing sun,

Despite the treacherous winds,

Despite the pelting hail,

The roses grew.

Yet, not due to

The nutritious soil in which they laid,

The delicious rain which they consumed,

Or the radiant sun which they embraced,

But because of a sole source of energy,

Love,

From a mother rose.

Mommy Why You Let Me Go

It's early yet the month is one, though you can't see me, we've just begun. I'm small I don't have the hide, I'm just a small seed inside. Four weeks later, month two, I'm still small, but a part of you. Mommy you'll love me, just wait and see, you'll be so proud of me. Time is passing, the month three, now I'm someone you can see, my hair is black, my eyes are brown. Mommy you'll love to have me around. It's later the month is four, I know I won't grow anymore. Even though it may not be right, mommy just killed me last night. Now I'm gone the month is five, mommy killed me, I'm not alive. Abortions the name they give it, it takes your life before you live it. I wanted to be born, the month is six, its already done, it can't be fixed. Guess mommy didn't love me, she just threw me away. She'll never forget me, I'm in her memory to stay. I've got a new home. The month is seven, mommy killed me, I'm now in Heaven. I was cute, but now I'm gone, only my memory lingers on. If I were around the month would be eight, I know mommy loved, but now it's to late. I was murdered by my mommy's own hand, I guess I'm to little to understand. Good-bye mommy the month is nine, if I were here it would be fine. Though I'm in Heaven I still cry, 'O' God Mommy why did you make me die? I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus'lap. He
loves me and cries with me, for my heart has been
broken. I so wanted to be your baby. I don't
quite understand what has happened. I was so excited
when I began realizing my chance. I was in a dark,
yet comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes.
I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near
ready to leave my surroundings. I spent most of my
time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest
days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.
Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you.
Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry.
I was sad, and hoped you would be
better soon. I wondered why you cried so much. Was it because you where plaining to let me go.I
couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy. That same
day, the most horrible thing happened. A very mean
monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was
in. I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never
once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me. The
monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and
screaming, "Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Mommy, help
me." Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and
screamed until I thought I couldn't anymore. Then the
monster started ripping my arm off. It hurt so badly;
the pain I can never explain. It didn't stop. Oh, how
I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off. Though I was in such complete pain, I was
dying. I knew I would never see your face or hear you
say how much you love me. I wanted to make all your
tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy.
Now I couldn't all my dreams were shattered. Though
I was in pain and horror, I felt the pain of my
heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than
anything to be your baby. No use now, for I was
dying a painful death. I could only imagine the
terrible things that they had done to you. I wanted
to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I
didn't know the words you could understand. And soon,
I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead. I
felt myself rising. I was being carried, by a huge
angel, into a big beautiful place. I was still crying,
but the physical pain was gone. The angel took me to
Jesus and set me on His lap. He said He loved me, and
He was my Father. Then I was happy. I asked Him what
the thing was that killed me. He answered, "Abortion.
I am sorry, my child for I know how it feels." I
don't know what abortion is; I guess that's the name
of the monster. I'm writing to say that I love you and
to tell you how much I wanted to be your baby.
I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had
the will, but I couldn't the monster was too
powerful. It sucked my arm and legs off and finally
got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just
wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didn't
want to die. Also, Mommy, please watch out for that
abortion monster. Mommy, I love you and I would hate
for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please
be careful.

If heart cud paint my feelings this shud be a picture for u...

hey, did I tell u something?
It was a sunny day today..
And in the morning..
I saw a leaf of a flower in the garden, holding a tiny little drop..
it looked so pretty ..
that lil drop reminded me of u... ;)
m I going crazy? or suddenly everywhere it's u...
well, u may call it whatever..
this is exactly the feelings m going thru these days.. :)
n here is something only 4 u..
never have I fallen
but I am quickly on my way
you hold a heart in ur hands that has never before been given away
A special world for you n me
A special bond one cannot see
it wraps us up in its cocoon n holds us in its womb...
n holds us in its womb...

yours Love :)

A Talk With MySelf

I was walking in woods, the music of rain and melody of birds made the concrete world vanish into thin air. I was surprised the way tiny droplets washed all the worries out of my mind. I was too tired to think and cold enough that my hands gone numb. These are the times that bring the silence where you can listen to your weak, tired and hurt soul, the real you. The part of you who always compromised for less with you, for timid happiness of present she compromised the happiness of future, the part of you say you want to listen but you never did, the part you everyone wants you to listen but never did listen, the part of you gone unheard, thrown back and ignored.

I hope you get which part I am talking about yes the one which made your head nod couple of times while reading the last sentence and now made you think some moments of life. Let’s once again do not listen to that part and read ahead for a moment (We are good in that, aren’t we?).

So that part started talking to me. I will give it a name lets say Inner me. Here it goes

Inner Me (IM): HI
Me: (Turn my head around and realized there was no one around I knew it was inner me) I said Hi. How are you?
IM: That was quick I thought U can't listen to me.
Me: How can I not listen to you, you are inside me?
IM:(smiling) u didn't many times, remember when I asked not to quit last time but you said you were busy, tired, weak and vulnerable enough to keep fighting. But you are not weak or tired. U wanted to take it the easy way.
Me: But you never said that again to me, you never said that I am not weak or tired, it’s just my fears taking over me.
IM: dear I am inner you, I can't disobey you If you shut me down once I can't say again. I talked to you every time by different means from your mind, your dreams sometimes your friends and parents. But I always tried to show you the path.
Me: Are you my heart? But they say don’t listen you to your heart it’s emotional and not practical.
IM: I am your heart some times but not always but when ever I speak I do it for your good, I know you the best , I always known what are you capable of, I always tried to direct you in right direction.
Me: but there are so many voices in me how to identify you?
IM: I can give you some ways but rest you can have to patiently learn over the period of life over the journey of failure and success. I will be the one that will ask you to take the hard way, I will be the one to ask you to never quit, and I will be the one to harsh on you but truthful.
Me: So If I follow you, will you lead me to success?
IM: I can't lead you anywhere but I can show you ways, I can direct you to right path, I can be your lamp not your milestone, I can be your path not your legs. I can assure you happiness and satisfaction but not success. I can be your journey not your destination.
Me:(I was walking still through the woods running out of breath sweating but still walking, stretched my back and answered) that’s tough to understand how can be you one half of the things not the other half.
IM: I can’t leave you I am where you are I have to be with you not ahead of you. If I will see some one who can lead your way I will ask you to talk to them love them respect them. That’s why you get to have friends and family around you. Even there you tried to ignore the one who are hard on you and like the ones who take you the easy way.
ME: (I smiled and nodded I was silent but not silent enough for my inner self she heard my agreement)
IM: I told you earlier I have different ways to talk to you.
Me: Do you want to say something to me?
IM: for now keep walking till you reach the top.
Me: you don’t want to guide me for my job, my life, my carrier.
IM: that's another characteristic of me I will talk only about the thing you are doing, I never distract you. I want you best in whatever you do when ever you do. I don't decide the future I direct your present in right direction of future.
Me: but who is the one keep canning me about my failures in study when I am at work, failure in life when I study and pinches me about my work when I am living my life.
IM: That’s distorted me when you don't listen to me and keeps suppressing me I have to boil down some how.
Me: (Nodded again I wondered how I kept on agreeing to it as you are right now she heard my question and answered)
IM: You are tired enough to suppress me. I will be with you whenever you are tired, depressed, failed and ask you to get up and shine again. I will pull you up on your feats and make you walk. That why you don’t feel the pain if you keep trying. The way you are still walking.
Me: (today I kept on agreeing to her, tired, stretching my back and walking, I wondered how many timed did I feel like this, not many I guess. The inner you get strength the more you agree to it and I nodded like my life time in this talk just like you did couple of times.)What should I do now?

I didn't heard any answer I didn’t realize I was on the top of hill where I wanted to be and the inner me left me to enjoy my destination. Some how there was a new meaning to the scenery I was looking at. Now I know why it’s always so beautiful from the top because you tried to be there you worked so hard to be there.

I don't know about myself whether I will listen to her but I will try. If you are still reading and agreed few things, smiled few times while reading, there is someone ignored deep in you. Listen to her. Promise me that you will try.

Secret Rendevous

Our secret rendezvous

I wait for iT everyday

Going to an exotic location

The only time I can get away

Together we are

Concealed from all existence

There's no one else in the world but us

Exempt from others' opinions

Here dreams become our reality

And our realities are forgotten dreams

The harshness of society

We no longer can see

This escapade is our escape

The happiness of love giving us a release

We are letting go

Knowing the sweet splendor of liberty

Being curious about one another

And having the joy of discovering all

Time is of no essence

There isn't even a clock on the wall

If time creeps by without our knowledge

We will just stay an extra day

Who cares what my boss thinks

I am his best employee anyway

I want these excursions to be memorable

It has to be so I can hold fast

Until the next time

We have to make it last

Rejection of Motherhood

Rejection Of Motherhood…..

Man?

No

Little Boy

Awaits his

Next toy

Looking for that

Bottle You can

Suck

Someone to bend

Over backwards

For You

Cook, Clean

Change Your

Diaper

Stroke your

Wounded ego

Be there for your

Every beckon call

Please save me

the tragedy

Of rebirthing you

Let your balls

Hang

Let your hair

Grow

Let your priorities

Reverse

Just Put Away

Childish things

For I will not

Take You Outside

To Play

So You can

Man Up

I discard your

“Noonie”

I dismantle your

Bib

I place you back

On the Floor

Until You become

a Man.

Ignorance is Destruction

Ignorance is Destruction

listen LISTEN to what I am sharing

Dry Eyes

Dry Eyes

I never cried the day of my Grandpa Jack’s funeral. I sat silently on that hard wooden pew of the Eureka Baptist Church, in the small town of Eureka, Montana, located a few miles south of the Canadian Border. Sorrow permeated the small wooden building. I was surrounded by relatives and family friends, many of whom I didn’t know and still don’t. We had all congregated to honor a man who had been much loved in life.

After a sermon by the pastor, which included many of the traditional scriptures, my aunt sang “El Shadai,” a worship song whose title is translated as “God Almighty.” her voice has since then been devastated by years of smoking. Meanwhile, my mom’s hands were rapidly moving, signing along to my aunt’s singing. She signed in remembrance of my Grandpa who loved her signing and because of family hearing loss which inspired her to learn sign language. The music echoed through the church My cousins and siblings grieved their grandpa's passing with tears streaming down their cheeks, their lips pursed in mournful frowns and their eyes red from weeping. I just sat stoically my eyes as dry as a desert. Perhaps, being only seven, I was too young to fully grasp what had happened.

I think the most likely reason I never truly grieved my Grandpa was that I never truly knew him well enough to grieve his death. I only saw him a few times a year, and being a kid, was more interested playing with my cousins than spending time with my Grandpa. I wish I would have spent more time with him, but the past is the past and thus has passed.

The few memories of my Grandpa I have are fragmented, like pieces of a puzzle scattered on the floor. I remember wrestling matches on the couch between him, my cousins and me, as he would try to ward us off with his small pillow which has been formed into the shape of a pillow which like him, has dissolved into nothing but a memory. I remember the bell cradled in a wooden arch that he would let us ring, its clanging echoing across the hillside. I remember riding with him in his little red GMC pickup which only sat two people and feeling special because it was just me, him, and his brown and white haired corky Beethoven, who has followed him into the afterlife. These memories are the ones I remember clearly. There are many others trapped within my mind. The memories I remember the most vividly are just chapters in the larger story that is the relationship between me and my Grandpa, a story which came to an abrupt end with no real resolution.

I may not have cried that day, but my Grandpa remains in my mind, becoming more myth now than man. A myth created by my incomplete memory of him and the tales spun by my relatives Since his death I have heard many great things about him such as he was great man, a kind man, a hard working man. I know he was well-known and well-liked in Eureka where he lived all his life. He was so loved in Eureka, in fact, that’s there a restaurant named Caf� Jax which got its name from him and my Great Grandfather. I also know he was a wonderful and caring father. In the end the description of him as great, kind, and hard working means nothing, as all men become great men posthumously. I don’t dispute that my Grandpa was a good man, but great, kind and caring are not adequate ways to tell who a person really is.

Maybe it was the incomplete knowledge of my Grandfather as a concrete man that kept my eyes dry in that church while a river of tears flowed from those around me. I know my grandpa as a myth, a man who was a well-known by everyone within the town of Eureka and was almost a celebrity in their midst. I wish I had gained an opportunity to better know him as a man but the past has passed and the man who was grandfather is no longer and he has become a myth and like all myths he lives on in memories.

MOVE AHEAD

MOVE AHEAD

By Ellen Louise Krug

When life throws you a bombshell, which never ceases to end,

When you are lost in a shuffle and you feel the world is coming to an end,

When your funds are running dry and you are in debt,

You cannot smile because you are all alone.

There is no one who cares about your problems.

Each day is a struggle but you have to move ahead.

Life is full of pain in surviving in this lousy economy,

As we all know trying to crack a nutshell to get your voice heard.

You have to stick to your guns if you are to win.

Don’t give up your dreams you yearn for.

You will succeed if you keep cracking the whip,

For there is a silver lining waiting for you somewhere.

Often you will find someone who cares,

Who will give you the winning break that you craved for.

Often you feel like giving up when you hit a brick wall

When you think you got the good news you were waiting for

And you learned you missed out when you were so close

To getting the Golden opportunity that was right at your fingertips.

Success is what you make of it.

Sometimes you have to fail before you succeed.

Your silver lining could be so close but yet so far.

You have to stick to the passions you have in life

To take you to where your destiny

To move ahead to succeed and find joy in being alive.

A Tower on the Floor

A Tower on the Floor

By Matthew Hartmann

1998

The last time Jim saw her was when Julie left with her sister Mary to go to the movie theater in the middle of town. Julie was dressed in a white skirt that Jim had bought for her.

“So what movie are you going to watch?” Jim asked while scratching his balding head.

“Titanic. I heard it’s sad but really good.”

Jim looked at the calendar. “We’ve got dinner at Mary’s tomorrow.”

“I already have a cake in the fridge that I’m planning on bringing over.”

“You always have been a good chef.” Jim kissed his wife.

“Oh Jim. You’re such a sweetheart,” Julie glanced at the clock. “Oh dear. I’ve got to get going.”

“Alright. I’ll see you when you get home, honey.” Jim smiled and kissed her again as she walked out the door.

Jim watched television in the living room which was full of Julie’s trinkets that she picked up every time the two of them went on trips around the world. He glanced at a plastic Eifel Tower on the mantle piece that was placed next to a photograph of the actual tower with the two of them smiling, twenty years before when they were still young, not that Jim would ever tell Julie that she was almost 60. He picked up the plastic figurine and studied it.

Jim heard a knock on the door and saw a police officer standing at the doorway.

“Are you James Conaway?” the Officer asked looking at him sympathetically.

“Yes. What is it officer?”

The officer told Jim how sorry he was to inform him that his wife collapsed at the movie theater and wasn’t able to be resuscitated despite the best efforts of EMTs. Jim stood there stunned. The figurine slipped out of his hand and fell to the floor.

#

1968

With a thud Jim frowned at his now broken backpack. He walked outside of his classroom carrying his books. On his way to class the other day he walked past a march that was against the Vietnam War. In the crowd he saw a girl that lead the other marchers. He imagined what her day might have been like:

She woke up that morning knowing that she was going to make a difference. As she got dressed and ate her breakfast she prepared herself. She grabbed her sign that read ‘GET OUT OF VIETNAM’ and walked out the door. A crowd of protesters waited for her command to begin marching. With a yell they began to follow her down the sidewalk on campus. She saw a man watching her from the crowd and wondered who he was. It was then that she wanted to find him and meet him.

Jim chuckled to himself. Yeah, right.

He walked down the sidewalk he saw a bunch of students protesting again. He watched and wondered if he should join in.

#

1998

Jim sat in the living room surrounded by family members who came from all over the country to bid Julie farewell. As the family discussed Julie’s life, Michael, Jim’s only child sat on the couch beside his father.

“Dad, she probably didn’t even feel that much pain.” Michael said and he was probably right because he was a doctor.

“Yeah. I suppose you’re right,” Jim said staring at the punch in his glass. “God damn, I really could use a drink.”

“I’m not sure if drinking is the best idea right now.”

“Son. If I want to drink, I’m going to fucking drink.”

Jim rose from the couch and walked through a crowd of people who attempted to console him. Shrugging them off Jim went down into the basement and unlocked the liquor cabinet. He poured himself a shot of Jack Daniels and raised the shot glass.

Jim took the shot and began to numb the pain that he felt inside.

#

1975

The shot glass crashed down onto the table as Julie laughed. “Oh dear, this is such a great place!”

Jim and Julie were in Kapa’a, Kauai sitting at a bar by the beach. Jim watched people walk along the quiet beach line.

“Yes, it’s very pleasant.”

“Jim, what is it?”

Jim shook his head and looked out at the sea. What could I even say? I can’t forget what you told me.

Julie looked at him with a frown. “Is this about what I think it is?”

“I just need some time to think about what you told me.” Jim said.

Julie looked at a surfer enjoying some waves. “All that glitters is not gold.”

Jim raised a brow. “You do love to be oh so poetic sometimes.”

#

1998

The room seemed to spin as Michael shook him. “Dad, wake up. We’re going to be late.” Jim mumbled and resisted for a minute before he rose from the couch he had fallen asleep on.

“Ugh, my head.” Jim closed his eyes trying to not look at how sunny it was outside. The sunlight hurt his eyes too much, but it was more than his eyes that would hurt today. He went into the bedroom and glanced at their bed: it was only his now. He opened the closet and peered inside at her clothes that were still there.

No, I need to get ready. Don’t break down, Jim.

Jim grabbed his suit and began to put it on. As he put clothes on, he glanced at her copy of The Collected Works of William Shakespeare which was still on the nightstand by the lamp and shook his head.

A few hours later, Michael and Jim sat in the parked car in front of the graveyard. Jim thought that it was ironic that such a sad occasion was happening on such a nice day.

“Dad, we’ll make it through this together, okay?”

“I..Let’s get going.” Jim got out of the car and walked into the graveyard.

Jim could see the hole in the ground waiting for his Julie to enter it. A crowd was already gathered, waiting for the Hearst to arrive. The Rabbi found Jim and spoke a few words to console him but Jim just stared at that hole.

#

1988

Jim and Michael fished at a river bank. Michael didn’t see much point in it but Jim wanted to bond with his son. Michael had noticed that lately his father looked at him like he wanted to say something but hadn’t.

“Dad, are you alright?”

Jim looked at the river for a few moments saying nothing.

“Dad? Dad!”

Jim looked at this son. “Michael, I need to tell you something. You are a man now and you should know the truth.”

“What is it Dad?”

“I’m not your father.” Jim looked at the river sadly.

Michael looked at him unsure of what to say.

“I know this must be hard for you, but I love you so it doesn’t matter that we aren’t related by blood. You are still my son.”

Michael nodded. “I need some time to process this.”

Father and son fished the rest of the day without another word.

#

1998

Jim looked at the casket as it was lowered into the ground. Every shovel of dirt was another reminder. Everyone else left the grave. Jim stood there alone.

“I forgive you for what happened, you know.”

It was a Sunday morning when Jim returned home from the doctor.

“Well, what did they say, Jim?” Jim looked at her.

“They say the reason we can’t have more children is that I’m infertile, but…” Jim looked at young Michael running around outside. “How is it that we have Michael?”

Julie then told him how she slept with another man when Jim was on a business trip. Jim walked out the door slamming it behind him.

Jim laughed bitterly to himself wishing that he had been able to tell her that he had come to terms with everything. He fell to his knees before the grave and for the first time since the news came to him he allowed himself to cry.

The Unblessed Dreamcatcher and the Search for the Little Dipper

I gave my green butterfly to my love in Mississippi

Because it died on my finger

But it lives around his neck

And we traded our money for profanity

On a warped street in New Orleans

So we could no longer afford anymore of the best iced coffee

But at least some kid wouldn't have to glue cans to his shoes to get a decent meal

And we slept on cockroaches in Texas

Because they were more comfortable than the couch

And they carried us through the yellow city

To a field in Santa Rosa

Where we started to run

But stopped to listen to the silence

And the sky fell on us

And we became nothing

But we became nothing together

And we walked a labyrinth in Santa Fe

Where the burning statues reached out for shade

And set the buildings on fire too

And I lit a candle for the family of a passed friend

And Father Sky left bitter stains on our teeth

And told us to go find a Vortex

So we went to Sedona

And screamed into Boynton Canyon

And we walked three times around the Stupas

With good thoughts for the world

And the tourists in Vegas depressed me

And I feared for my generation

And I feared for the death of the green butterfly

But we made it to California

You cried

And I cried

And you left

And I cried

But we did not say goodbye

We never say goodbye

Instead of a broken heart

I chose broken clouds

And broken postcards

And a temporarily-broken home

My love weeps for peace

And my love weeps for chaos

And I weep for my love

I will be numb no more

I left the window we stole in my room

And I left my guardian angel at the altar

And I left my last bottle of water at the Stupas

And I left my favorite words in Las Vegas

And I left my shadow with my love

La Fuente (The Fountain)

Marjory E. Leposky

meleposky@aol.com

Fade In:

EXT. a MEXICAN looking fountain in courtYard - DayTime

The fountain is in the courtyard alone. A 6 year old BOY with brown hair and brown eyes walks into the courtyard from left. He is dressed in khaki pants and a nice shirt. A 6 year old GIRL with brown eyes and long brown hair in two ponytails walks into the courtyard from the right. She is wearing a nice dress with black patent shoes. The boy plays with a paddle and ball.

Boy

(friendly)

Hello...

Girl

(shy)

Hello...

BOY

Where did you come from?

The girl looks back over her right shoulder. Boy plays with the coins in his pocket.

GIRL

Home... What's in your pocket?

BOY

Coins..

Boy pulls out a coin, and he shows the girl.

BOY

Do you want to make a wish?

GIRL

Sure...

The boy hands the girl the coin. She throws a coin in the fountain, and she makes a wish. Girl looks over at the boy's paddle and ball.

GIRL

(smiles)

Can I play with your toy?

BoY

(smiles)

Sure... Just let me show you how to use it first.

The boy shows the girl how to hit the ball against the paddle. WOMAN'S voice calls the girl home.

GIRL

Thank you... I have to go.

BOY

No problem. Bye..

GIRL

Bye...

The boy leaves to the left, and the girl leaves to the right.

Time Lapse

Six years have passed.

EXT. a MEXICAN looking fountain in courtYard. - DayTime

The fountain is in the courtyard alone. A 12 year old boy walks into the courtyard from the left. He has long brown hair and brown eyes. He is wearing jeans and a T-shirt. A girl with brown eyes and long brown hair in a pony tail walks into the courtyard from the right. She is wearing jeans, a white Mexican style blouse, and sandals. The boy and girl each carry a backpack over their right shoulders.

Boy

(friendly)

Hello...

girl

(friendly)

Hello...

They both walk over and sit on the fountain.

BOY

You have homework?

GIRL

Yes... Math...

BOY

Do you need help?

GIRL

Yes... Do you mind helping?

BOY

Sure... Let me see what problems you're working on.

Both of them pull out their textbooks, notebooks, and pencils. The boy helps the girl with her homework.

GIRL

Thank you for your help.

BOY

Glad to help.

They repack their backpacks.

CARLOS

I'm Carlos.

CHRISTINE

I'm Christine.

CARLOS

Bye...

CHRISTINE

Bye..

They put their backpacks over their right shoulders. Carlos leaves to the left, and Christine leaves to the right.

Time Lapse

Six more years have passed.

EXT. a MEXICAN looking fountain in courtYard. - DayTime

The fountain is in the courtyard alone. A tall 18 year old Carlos with brown hair and brown eyes walks into the courtyard from the left. He is wearing jeans and a button-down shirt. A beautiful 18 year old Christine with brown eyes and long, flowing brown hair walks into the courtyard from the right. She wears sandals and a white Mexican style dress with flowers on it.

CARLOS

Hello...

CHRISTINE

Hello...

CARLOS

Nice day...

CHRISTINE

Yes...

Carlos

Would you like to see a movie with me, Christine?

Christine

Sure...

CARLOS

I have a question for you.

ChRISTINE

Ask me.

CARLOS

What wish did you make all those years ago?

Christine just smiles. They walk hand and hand out toward the left side of the courtyard.

FADE OUT.

The End